LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

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shireling
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LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:27 pm

...and one Hobbit story poem!

PIPPIN BABY
(written by request of Lily Took)

Pippin Baby, do you remember me - Lilly?
Under the Party Tree?
Pippin Baby, please come on down to
see me tonight.

Pippin Baby, I live on Bagshot Row - you know.
A stony's throw from Frodo.
Pippin Baby, please come on down to
see me tonight.

I just baked some sugar buns,
I got some lager from The Green Dragon.
Fill your plate from my pantries -
You can even have elevensies :).

Pippin Baby, now that you're back from the Quest,
I guess
You sure could use some rest, but

Pippin Baby, please hurry down to
see me tonight.
Pippin Baby, I've been so very alone, at home.
No one to call my own so -
Pippin Baby, please come on down to
see me tonight.

Oh, won't you be my honey bee?
Sit here beside me with your Old Toby.
Ask anything your heart desires,
Just come warm your toes by my fire :bad: .

Pippin Baby, I only want you bring - no Ring -
Your precious self or nothing.
Pippin Baby, please hurry down to
see me tonight.
Just come on down to
see me tonight.
Oh hurry, hurry, hurry tonight ;) .
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:44 pm

I Want a Troop of Uruk-Hai for Christmas!

I want a Troop of Uruk-Hai for Christmas!
Only a Troop of Uruk-Hai will do!
Don't need a Wraith, no stinky Smeagol doll -
I want them to intimidate the bully down the hall!

I want a troop of Uruk-Hai for Christmas!
I don't think it's extravagant, do you?
We haven't got a chimney for Ugluk to come through -
Bustin' down the front door seems the easiest thing to do...

I can see me now this Christmas morning,
Cowering on the stairs!
O what terror, what surprise,
When I open up my eyes
To see a Troop of Uruks standing there!

I want a Troop of Uruk-hai for Christmas!
Only a Troop of Uruk-hai will do!
Elves are too wenchy, some People can be, too -
Hobbits, Dwarves and Wizards -
They just haven't got a clue...

I can see me now this Christmas morning,
Cowering on the stairs!
Oh what terror, what surprise,
When I open up my eyes
To see a Troop of Uruks standing there!

I want a Troop of Uruk-Hai for Christmas!
Trolls & Goblins won't know what to do.
No random Orcs or little Morgul runts -
I only like Great Big Uruk Hunks...

And I hope that bully's not too tough to chew!
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:50 pm

GANDALF Got Pulled Over By A BALROG
(as sung by Samwise Gamgee)

Gandalf got pulled over by a Balrog,
Whipped him round the ankle, not the sleeve.
You could say he's deader than a doorknob,
Well, that's what me and Frodo all believe.

We were ten at Elrond's Council:
Gandalf, Aragorn, Legsy,
Merry, Frodo, Pip & Gimli,
Bill & Boromir & me.

We'd left Rivendell for Mordor,
And right there at Balin's Tomb,
Pippin Took woke up the goblins,
Got called a 'fool' by you-know-who.

He was standin' on the dwarf bridge,
When he screamed from us to go.
We ran off just like he told us,
Then he tumbled down the hole.

Gandalf got pulled over by a Balrog,
Whipped him round the ankle, not the sleeve.
You could say he's deader than a doorknob,
Well that's what me and Frodo all believe.

Now the other guys are somewhere,
And I hope they're having fun.
I keep on looking on the bright side -
We've not been throttled by Gollum.

I'm so worried about Frodo.
How I hate that stupid Ring!
How I'd rather be at home now
Boilin' taters for mashing.

I should say my Gaffer warned us
We should just keep to ourselves.
You should never smoke with Wizards,
Or hang with Men & Dwarves & Elves.

Gandalf got pulled over by a Balrog,
Whipped him round the ankle, not the sleeve.
You could say he's deader than a doorknob,
Well that's what me and Frodo all believe.
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:07 pm

HELLO, DARK LORD!
(as sung to 'Camp Granada')

Hello, Dark Lord!
Mighty Sauron!
This is Shagrat from Moronnen!
So you'll know I'm not complaining
When I say we'll have some fun
once we start slaying.

There's not much here,
Dust and cinders.
And there's no glass
In the winders.

Fat old Shelob,
In the tunnels,
Has wrapped half my staff
In nice, neat shiny bundles.

All the Cave Trolls,
Hate the Goblins,
'Cause they pull pranks,
And they rob them.
And the Uruks, ain't much bedda.
They take dead Wargs and they
knit them into sweaddas.

I should warn ya,
That your Wizard,
Is a low-down, no-good lizard!
He wants the Ring for himself, Sir.
So he bred some Orcs from
mud and Elvish dander.

Let me roam!
Oh, Lord & Master -
Let me roam!
I may not last here -

Don't leave me
In Cirith Ungol where
The Watchers sit all day and stare.

Let me roam!
I promise this is not
No ploy -
There's plenty Orcs to be
Your boy -
Oh, please don't make me stay!
I'm scared that Ranger's on his way!

Hey there, Handsome!
You look thinner!
And your tower's
Sure a winner!

I will gift you
Shirt of mithrill -
And a naked, blue-eyed Halfling
For you to kill...

Wait a minute!
Gondor's failing!
Nazguls flying!
Corsairs sailing!
Gee, the Great Eye's
Looking redder...

Sauron, Mighty Dark Lord,
Disregard this letter!
Last edited by shireling on Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby MsBrandybuck » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:17 pm

These are brilliant!!! :lol:
"Today is a good day to die."
— Worf

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:14 pm

Thank you kindly, Ms. B. :D

If anybody knows, or has some that they've written and want to share - please, go for it! The more the merrier! :)
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:43 am

Twelve MiddleEarth Days of Christmas

On the First Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - A Balrog with Pink Slippers & Wings!

On the Second Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Two Conies Stewed, and...

On the Third Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Three Uruk-Hai...

On the Fourth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Four Rohirrim Riders...

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Raw! Wriggling! Fish!

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Six Orcs A-Slaying...

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Seven Swan Boats Swimming...

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Eight Rugged Rangers...

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Nine Hobbits Dancing...

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Ten Wargs A-Leaping...

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Eleven Elvish Archers...

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, I found beneath my tree - Twelve Trolls A-Drumming...
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:16 pm

I Saw Passo Kissing Aragorn
(for our Passo Largo)

I saw Passo kissing Aragorn,
Underneath the King's White Tree last night.
They didn't see me creep,
Downstairs to have a peep.
They thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom, fast asleep.

Then I saw Passo tickle Aragorn
Underneath his beard in the moonlight!
Oh, what a fight there would have been,
If Arwen had only seen,
Passo kissing Aragorn last night!
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Sat Dec 10, 2016 4:35 am

The Gift of the Hobbits
(with apologies to O'Henry)

It is only at Christmas, when all Hobbits say,
That you don't give mathoms to each other that Day.
Now it needn't be new or cost a whole lot;
It can be whatever - whatever you've got,
But gifted with plenty of love in your heart.
So, gather round, joonies! You ready? To start...

It was just before Yuletide, and all through the Shire
All the Hobbits were gathered, at home, by the fire.
The beer was all brewed, the cakes were all baked,
The chestnuts were bagged and ready to take.
The mash-fed geese and piglets were done,
Decked out with roast apples and stuffed with minced plums.
All the Hobbits were happy, all singing and gay -
That is all the Hobbits - except Merry, that day.

He hadn't a present for Pippin, you see,
And he'd waited too long. Elbow on knee,
He puzzled along, biting the stem of his pipe.
Sighing, he took out his kerchief to wipe
The luster back into the brown polished bowl,
When he thought it.

He ran to the shop - to the Second-Hand Dragon -
And pawned his fine pipe for a tall pewter flagon.
He had it engraved "To Pippin - from Merry.”
And, was he excited? Indeed he was - very!
He dashed back to his hole, his face nice and rosy,
Then he wrapped it all up in The Middle Earth Posy -
(A Hobbit press tattler he happened to have) -
And went to bed satisfied, happy and glad.

That very next morning came a knock at the door,
And sleepy ol' Merry dragged himself 'cross the floor.
"HAPPY YULE, Cousin! So glad you're about!
I was hoping to catch you before you went out!"
"Pip! The sun's still abed! It's a quarter past 3!"
"But, Merry, you'll love this! Come over here! See?"

And, at rest on the palms of the two younger hands,
Was a packet. It was leathered and worn, from lands
faraway.
"The Longbottom Leaf I gave you that day?
Aw, Pip - I thought it was long smoked away!"
"It was," blushed his cousin. "This is all new.
The pouch is from Isengard – which, of course, you knew.
I've sold my last barrel of Saruman's Grist,
For that pack of tobaccy I hold in my fist...
So go get your pipe! I've got mine here, too!
A fine smoke on Christmas is the first thing we'll do!"

"But, Pippin - I'm sorry. I got you this stein
To fill with your ale when you ran out of wine.
My pipe has been pawned; I don't have another."
"Don't fret yourself, Merry. Come now - don't bother.
I've a spare in my pocket you're welcome to, dear.
Let's sit by the fire and share some Yule cheer!"

And they smoked that whole pack of the Longbottom store,
And they drank from Pip's flagon till there wasn't no more.
Then off to the breakfasts, first one and then two,
And the whole host of dinners that fond Hobbits do.

And like them, I wish you - A Wonderful Yule! 12/21/04
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

Avatar courtesy of Candy Kane, Webmistress Extraordinaire and Slayer of Trolls

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shireling
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Re: LOTR Parodies of Novelty Christmas Songs...

Postby shireling » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:51 pm

Image

I know, I know it's early. But I am in such a mood for these, I can't help it. Enjoy!!!!!
(pssst. You have to go back to the beginning of the topic.)
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

Avatar courtesy of Candy Kane, Webmistress Extraordinaire and Slayer of Trolls


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