Mental Health & Some Helps

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shireling
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Wed Mar 23, 2016 12:45 pm

It's been that time of year again, when I struggle with depression...

It's the same old thing - too many of the world's people and their own non-stop stubbornness and stupidity in the face of what their own hands have wrought, that God-awful embarrassing circus called the '2016 Presidential Race', and the hyper-religious who insist that the free-agent needs of others are causing them to violate their own beliefs (I sat through a whole conversation, trapped in a bus, about how folks are being forced to have vicarious abortions through the Affordable Care Act, and I did that without screaming and tearing out my hair; to paraphrase Thor, I made my ancestors proud.)

Combine those things with the on-again/off-again weather of spring, and my brain sets sail in a perfect storm.

The older I get, and I am getting there, the more I understand and the less I like. I don't say anything to anybody anymore because all I want is a listening ear. I just want somebody, anybody who is willing to listen, to do just that - to shut up and let me vent without stop for five minutes. What's so wrong about listening? Yeah, I do say the same things, because it is the same things that keep going on - but it pains me to see it and I can't help how I feel. I've done the same for others (over the phone), and one in particular hung up on me right in the middle of her rant.

You know the old adage, the one about 'treating others as you would wish to be treated'? Well, that's what I was doing. I was listening with very little talk-back, and I guess I was supposed to be offering fixes (she never made clear just what the problem was, and since we're no longer talking - I was told not to text/call/stop by/or communicate in any other way - I've been left to consider that was the problem.) To be fair, when I did offer suggestions, she would immediately shoot them down, so I'm figuring, "Ohhhhh - you just want to whine! Hey, I can handle that!" But I guess not.

For me, it is the three things I opened this post with that are troubling me. Eventually, they will all end.

I'm positive the world will find a solution to the terrorist problem (maybe not in my lifetime, but better late than never), we Yanks will have an election in November, and this current crop of would-be, religious-freedom martyrs in their passive-aggressive "I suffer because I choose to because nobody is persecuting me like I think they ought", will eventually shuffle off this mortal coil, and when they do, may God grant that no others take their place - PLEASE. However, next Sunday will be Easter, and I will hereby drown my sorrows, from the ears to the tail, in a dark chocolate bunny. It'll be summer before I know it, and that will add to my healing...

I feel so much better now.


sara
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri May 06, 2016 2:07 am

My antidepressant has been increased.

To be fair it was done some time ago, but it takes weeks for them to kick in, and, now, they just might have done that. I'm glad, I really am. I'm feeling not exactly joyful, content is nearer the mark, and who couldn't use a little of that? I've also had an epiphany of sorts. It has to do with the one guy running for office - the presidential one - the one that *sigh* you know, you know I know you can figure it out without my saying...so I won't. But, I have come to some conclusions - such as they are.

I just realized that I feel sorry for him. He doesn't know - and, indeed, I don't think he'll ever be completely sure - that he's ever been valued for himself.

Now, we've had other guys who never ran for any office become President. Guys like Zachary Taylor, Ulysses S. Grant, William Howard Taft, Herbert Hoover, and General Eisenhower. Taft was Secretary of War, and Solicitor-General, appointed Governor-General to the Philippines under Teddy Roosevelt; Hoover had been Secretary of Commerce. The remaining three were Generals - Taylor, Mexican-American War; Grant, Union, Civil War; and Eisenhower, Supreme Commander of the Allies in WWII and the first Supreme Commander of NATO.

I was born when Ike was in the White House, and I never heard a discouraging word ever said about him. It'd be really great if this turns out good. We've been pretty lucky, if the past is any judge. Washington, Lincoln, FDR - wow, they were terrific. I like to think that Barack Obama is pretty terrific, too. When Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, I never thought I would ever feel that good about anybody ever again. And along comes this kid - and to me, at my age, he is a kid, barely older than my youngest brother - with more smarts than most of the people who don't like him (and I have long suspected that's why they don't) and packing a bright, beautiful family to boot. It's not only that I'm going to miss him - it's that I'm worried about what's ahead.

I can't say that those who tormented him (and by extension, the rest of us), don't deserve all the discomfort they've earned and then some. I wouldn't mind at all if they were the only ones who found it hard to sleep, but their hubris is responsible for this. I did the best I could; they made it harder for me to vote, and I still did. They dug in their heels and refused to work with others - those others I voted for, including the President - and, now they've reaped the whirlwind...

I sincerely hope that somebody can get through to this next possible president - my hubby is sure that it won't happen at all. But, I am keeping myself open, just in case. Just in case.
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Wed May 11, 2016 12:00 am

The Honey's doctor took him off of his cogentin, and I pulled the wrong pills from his regime.

Man! He's been so agitated and only after four days, so I went back and here I removed his remeron - which now we know he needs. He's cool about it (I need a magnifying glass to see what I'm looking at, so many of them are the same size, round and white with numbers on them), I'm not surprised that I messed up. In fact, he wanted to take one right away, so he fished it out of the box and made sure that's what it was before he took it.

Never a dull moment...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri Jun 17, 2016 11:21 am

Guns...gunsgunsguns, again. again. again.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Fri Jun 17, 2016 1:27 pm

:( And in England, too...I'm absolutely shocked by what happened there yesterday!
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri Jun 17, 2016 1:46 pm

*sigh* I just don't know anymore.

The first shooting in Orlando was that of Christine Grimme, a "Voice" contestant, who was signing autographs. This bastard just comes up and kills her - her brother tackled the guy, and he shot himself. Then, "Pulse"...and now Jo Cox. I know it's on the other side of the water, but Earth is a very small place, and if it's happening anywhere, it's happening here. My God, her poor husband and her kids - just babies they are.

I don't get it, I'll never get it - thank God, I'll never get it.

This idiot on the radio yesterday said, "This country (US) was founded by guns." Really, you think? You honestly think that. Well, then, Pilgrim, hie thyself to a smithy an' procure a musket, or if thou wilt, a barrel-loading pistol. Mayhap a cutlass for the Sabbath? ...Nimrod...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Thu Jun 23, 2016 2:57 am

I called Crisis Care today, and had two conversations with staffers - one over the phone and one that came to the house.

I'm finding it hard to go out anymore. It'd been a struggle ever since Columbine, but lately, I've just lost the will to push myself out the door. I'm afraid to go to the gym, because the treadmills are right along the front window. The grocery store, just being in a parking lot. And this morning, I had just had it. So, I called and I'm going to see a doctor. The appointment isn't until the middle of July, but there is a cancellation list.

The home visitor is coming back to check on me next week. I need something stronger to take than the anti-depressant I have. Talking is not going to help; we need a government that actually cares about us, more than whether or not a person on the no-fly list should lose their gun rights - I can't even believe that's an issue, but it is. Meanwhile I'm taking care of me, and I don't care how ridiculous it might seem. I don't care how low the odds are; I have to be aware all the time, the S.O.B.S. don't and I am sick of it. Just give me whatever works to get me through.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Thu Jun 23, 2016 6:36 am

:hug: :hug: :ghug:
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Thu Jun 23, 2016 3:31 pm

Thanks sweetie :hug: . Right now I wish I could get to Washington and buy all the Dems coffee.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:04 am

A round's on me as well!
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:24 pm

:lol: That's John Lewis, God bless him! God bless him.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Tue Jun 28, 2016 2:44 pm

I've gotten a doctor's appointment at Behavioral Health at 1 PM today...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:19 pm

Well...they double-booked the appointments, and nobody cancelled, so I was left sitting there until 2:34 PM. That's when one of the staff came out and told me that the doctor will not see me because she's my husband's physician - that to her is a conflict of interest. *sigh* So, I didn't get seen, and the next appointment with the other available, non-conflicted doc is July 28th. I'm on a cancellation list but I don't know when/if that will happen.

Anyway, because we were running late this morning, we bought lunch from a drive-thru. I took a fast turn and Duane's drink dumped all over the floor of the back seat. Good thing, too, because it was regular and not diet. In trying to clean it up - or at least, get some of the liquid mopped, I found it was sticky to the touch, and my drink was the same. There's a sharp citrus note at the end of any diet drink's swallow, and this had nothing like it. So, back we went and got the right refills. But the carpet needed attention, so after I was told that I wouldn't be seen (and I did say, at least twice to to different individuals that the Honey was seeing said psychiatrist - why don't people listen?), I took Girlfriend just to get her floor and mats shampooed, and then went for a browse in Tuesday Morning.

I wasn't going to buy anything, but, you know me, I can't stay out of the toy aisle. And, sure enough, there was a jar with a faux butterfly inside; you switch it on, and a filament inside of a module in the lid, makes it move. The wings make it look and sound like the real thing, especially after I put in fresh batteries. I thought Amy might be intrigued by it, but it seems to have scared her witless. So right now, it's by my left elbow, in sleep mode. No more living things, I'm thinking, no more responsibilities for me - though now I'm concerned by the level of sentience those three AAAs might endow. The instructions say that if it stops flying you just have to tap the jar top and it'll wake up. Meaning, of course, that it will flutter frantically at the end of its tether as though trying to escape...

This was not one of my better ideas, buying this. And what an awful thing to teach a child, to harass a creature if it's not doing what you want, even a mechanical one. It did awake on its own, just now, and move the way butterflies do when they're drinking from flowers. It's all alone in there, nothing for it to rest on, no flowers to keep it company in the plastic 'jam jar' it calls home; I'm guessing they would probably get in the way of the filament, and it wouldn't move so life-like. Well, this 'butterfly' can sleep when it wants to, and fly when it will - it's my toy and I take care of my things.

I really wish they would have seen me today.
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"I would like an abundance of peace. I would like full vessels of charity. I would like rich treasures of mercy. I would like cheerfulness to preside over all." - St. Brigid of Kildare

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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri Jul 01, 2016 12:01 pm

I changed my mind about seeing a doctor.

It doesn't make any sense to have to wait so long, so I did the next best thing - I'm in the process of canceling my gym membership. There is no other machine that is safe for me to use, my balance issues make weights impossible...I sent an email to EBF's headquarters under the direction of that gym's manager, and I'll know soon if I'm completely out of it, or it's been mitigated somewhat, or they're going to say, "That's too bad. You owe one more year." However it turns out, not having to be in front of that glass is so good.

As for the other, they suggest I just call when I'm having difficulty and talk to a crisis counselor until the appointment, 4 weeks from today. I don't want to talk any more; I'm sick of the sound of my voice going over the same damn ground. All I want is the chemical fixer that will make it possible for me to face this nonsense. The last time I called, I got the 'hurt yourself or others' question.

Why are you asking that? Weren't you listening? Is that the only dog whistle you guys have before you'll help? Why should that be the question, especially when you're being told how much I worry about having something happen to me and others, especially when I've told you about the men in my family, all of whom need me - especially Duane? Unbelieveable. Just unbelieveable.

So, I'm done. I'd been off prayer for the past few days - just couldn't concentrate, but I got back in the saddle this morning. I'll cancel the appointment - I don't want to have anything to do with them, as far as myself. Getting away from that window seems to have been the best solution.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Sun Jul 03, 2016 3:13 am

The gym took another month's fee from my account.

It's 4th of July weekend, so maybe nothing could be done. Mike's coming by tomorrow, and it's supposed to rain. I thought if the rain isn't too bad, that we might go out to the cemetery and take the in-laws some flowers. There's a nice scenic drive there, and then we can go to lunch.

The Baha'i Center is closed, officially. The realtor wanted it ready to show by this week, and that was our to go place for years. Right now, there are no other devotions being held that we can take Mike to. And I said how much it matters bringing him, but the thinking is later in the day, with a meal. So, we'll see. As for now, there's a feast at the end of the month that we can bring him to, and we can see how that goes.

It's been a difficult day - not as hard as some other people have had it, for sure - but as far as I know, it's not a contest. This damn toy butterfly is freaking me out. I'm sitting here, minding my own business, and all of the sudden it starts fluttering against the sides of the jar like crazy. That last time I had this problem it was my Barad-Dur Action Figure. All's quiet and peaceful, and then "I SEE YOU! I SEE YOU!" comes booming out of the thing, evil flashing red eye of Sauron, the whole deal. Who needs cardio when you've got stuff like this mere inches from your head?

Anyway, because it looks like a Viceroy butterfly, I've named the critter Raj.
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