Mental Health & Some Helps

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Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Sun Mar 29, 2015 8:43 pm

I don't know how to move three pages of posts from three separate people to another thread - maybe it's just as well they stay there, and we can take it from here :) .
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Mon Mar 30, 2015 6:00 am

Yesterday was rainy and grey, neither my mom nor I felt able to do anything but dozing... My mom called it "depressive weather". Plus, daylight savings time started, so wie lost an hour of sleep. This morning is totally different. Sun is shining brightly, sky is blue. Much better!!

Edit: gone are sun and blue sky. Mom's just sitting around. I don't remember her seeing like this...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:13 pm

I've found that if I can find someone who will just listen to me without offering advice (often if I can just vent without interruption, it does me good.)

Also, the best time that I ever had with a therapist was this last one a few years ago. She offered to help me battle the hospital's collection agency, and have her office's attorneys read my mother-in-law's will pro-bono - two things which I felt completely helpless to handle.

The debt collectors, (which were suddenly demanding payment in full of a huge bill from 2006), quickly withdrew its harassment of me once she spoke to the hospital's billing department. Within the week, the hospital excused the rest of the payment and I've not been bothered about it since (this was in 2011.) As for the will, the lawyers were able to clarify some points that I hadn't been able to get a satisfactory answer for, and it didn't cost me a dime.

Sometimes we're faced with just "getting over" this or that, because there isn't a way we can get satisfaction for the problem. My situations have been mostly such stuff as I've mentioned, where I had no power and could really use an advocate. She was with me for about 3 years, and always thought outside the box; if she could apply herself in my case, she didn't hesitate. We parted company because she was a graduate student, and was at the end of her term. Absolutely brilliant young woman...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Mon Apr 06, 2015 12:47 pm

There are more people, I suspect, than not who don't find talk therapy therapeutic.

I never have. For me, talking just brings the stuff to the surface where it lies like a skin or grease, a film or algae, that needs skimming. I have to have answers - I need solutions and that's why I think my time with Sheila was so valuable.

I mentioned her in the previous post, but not by name. Working with her and going to the collection agency, then getting the offer of assistance from the house attorneys, was indispensable. This was the first time that I didn't have anybody watching the clock during a session, or speaking back to me the last thing I said; I can't remember if any version of the phrase let it go, ever passed her lips. I don't say don't do it; if it works for you, I'm glad, because that's the main of what's out there. Sheila was the exception to the rule.

Twice I was 'treated' to groups - once with two women therapists who liked to pit hospital patients against each other. Example. One woman states her mind, and leaves the room for the loo. While she's gone, the counsellors ask what the rest think about what she said. When she returns, the bitches tell the woman what was said and point out the individual who made the most caustic remark. A verbal scuffle ensued, which continued throughout - once rising to the level of physical - until one of the patients was discharged. At another time, the group was all that was offered and if the patients didn't take advantage, there were consequences (loss of privilege and being given added 'work' - since this unit didn't provide proper housekeeping.)

Now you may think this is illegal - and you'd be right - but who are 'crazy people' going to complain to? It's like the current situation in a local women's prison. It's taken years for action to go against the warden and male guards who have been sexually abusing female inmates; they're felons, so, who is going to take them seriously?

I have resorted in the past to asking my family physicians for help such as antidepressants or antianxiety drugs without appointments, just so that I can do what needs to be done; thank goodness, they didn't see the harm in that and it served me much better. Not being at the mercy of God-only-knows-who made it possible for me to get my son what he needed, and to stay on an even keel. Because I had what worked for me, because I had people who were willing to see me as part of a team to care for myself and my family, I got much more accomplished. After a decade and more of going to overpriced and under qualified mental-health staff, I finally got through.

I don't know what will happen now with ACA (Affordable Care Act), when it comes to incompetent individuals. Without health care, back before Sheila, I was sent to a person who should never have been given such responsibility. After three sessions, I asked to be put with someone else. I was told that I would have to get permission to change from the person that I wanted to leave. So I just quit altogether. Later, I learned that this same individual was made the department head of the county's mental health district...

I finally found out this whole issue for me was seasonal, after years of being asked what was wrong, and having to say "I really don't know." I mean, yeah, having a disabled child, and no job prospects because there's no trustworthy care for him, and then having your breadwinner get permanently laid off, is quite often enough to make some of us look for the nearest tall building or high bridge; a strong knot with a stout rope or a quick, and painless poison can look mighty inviting at the end of another dull, and listless day. But I knew such things were always temporary (I'd seen my own parents go through them), and when the sun finally came out to stay, all of the sadness seemed to flee before it - I just had to wait.

Just felt like writing this all down today. Grief is such a terrible business, and on this morning's news, not far from where we live, there was another couple who had a child die over the weekend. I don't go with this 'God needed an angel/they're in a better place' garbage - as if God couldn't make all the angels He ever needed out of nothing, and to suggest that being with you was not good enough for your kid, what nonsense. If you ever said either one of these, make them a thing of the past.

Concerning another's sorrow, a very wise man once said the following:

1) If you don't know what to say, shut up.

2) If you've got ears, listen.

3) Do not underestimate the power of #1 & #2.


Now that felt better...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Mon Apr 20, 2015 8:30 am

My cousin called me on Saturday evening and we talked for almost an hour. After another phone call with her mother that ended in a row, she's at the end of her ropes and feels like a wreck (in a bad way). My aunt actually insists on her leaving husband, child and job and moving back in with her to take care of her.

I advised her to talk to her husband and to finally tell him what's really going on (her mother has insisted that she doesn't tell anybody, including her husband and in-laws, so far she's been trying to juggle her mom's wishes and reality), because I think that even if he lacks understanding for my aunt, he needs to have his wife's back in dealing with her (and maybe some straightforward words will do my aunt good). The way I see it, she's manipulating her daughter by emotional blackmailing, and she's trying to split her from her husband.

Throughout the last few weeks, it has also become very clear to all of us, that she's incredibly angry. The way she sees it, my uncle dared to die and leave her behind alone, having to take responsibility and make decisions – apparently two things she didn't have to do before. It seems like my uncle did spoil her a lot, and now she's simply not ABLE to deal with every day decisions and lashes out at everyone, preferrably her daughter. My brother-in-law actually said she's not fit for surviving on her own.

I don't know where this all will lead. She's in a dangerous downward spiral, and if this self-distruction continues, she's not only ruining her own life, but her daughter's as well.

The only positive thing so far is that apparently she has finally agreed to see a psychologist and her first (and hopefully not last) appointment is due on April 28th (my cousin told me, but asked me to keep quiet, apparently nobody is to know about it).

I told my cousin that I think it's time she needs to forget what her mom WANTS her to do (or not to do). She needs to start to do what she believes is good for her mom, whether she wants that or not. If that includes making her see a psychologist (or taking her to a clinic, if need be), than so be it.

We talked again on Sunday evening. By then she had talked to her husband and told him everything, and she said she felt it was the right thing to do. Actually she said „best thing I did today“.

I so hope we find a way out of this!
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:52 pm

Padfoot wrote:My cousin called me on Saturday evening and we talked for almost an hour. After another phone call with her mother that ended in a row, she's at the end of her ropes and feels like a wreck (in a bad way). My aunt actually insists on her leaving husband, child and job and moving back in with her to take care of her.

I advised her to talk to her husband and to finally tell him what's really going on (her mother has insisted that she doesn't tell anybody, including her husband and in-laws, so far she's been trying to juggle her mom's wishes and reality), because I think that even if he lacks understanding for my aunt, he needs to have his wife's back in dealing with her (and maybe some straightforward words will do my aunt good). The way I see it, she's manipulating her daughter by emotional blackmailing, and she's trying to split her from her husband...


I think you've nailed it, Paddy, and I love what you told your cousin, because that's not a go, no way, no how is that a go - secrets mushroom like mad in the dark. I've been trying to remember the quote...Viele Hände machen der Arbeit? Well, I think that applies; it's too great a burden to bear alone. Auntie's not being fair to her daughter; your cousin's responsibility is to herself and her family, the family that she made with her husband. Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31 all say that (actually it's more about the guy leaving mommy in those - even back then they knew about that :) ! ), but the husband and kids have to come before her mother. I hope she follows your advice.

Your aunt sounds so much like my dad when my mother died, the tone, the words - virtually identical. But he got remarried - God only knows what might have happened if he hadn't - and until he did, he was very angry at all of us for not filling in the void she left, but he was especially vitriolic toward our mother. What your brother-in-law said, she's not fit for surviving on her own, is very telling; he simply said what everybody else is thinking (and I know I've said this in some way before, that your uncle comes across to me as a very precious man, and a genuine loss to everybody, even those of us who never knew him...)

Well, anyway, here's to April 28th, and that it's the beginning of the end of all this. :hug: Hang in there, love. :hug:
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Sun May 03, 2015 6:22 pm

reallycoolskeleton:

if depression FUELED my creative output like ok 1. thats impossible depression makes you want to do NOTHING, and 2. i would have about 90 completed portfolios, the subject matter all centered around how much i hate life and want to end it, putting more cynical sh*t art into the world for people without mood disorders to romanticize

i’m on a tangent. basically: f*cking STOP with the idea that creative people need to be suffering in order to create anything of substance??

(via harkerling)


I like this post. I've never had the kind where I can't get out of bed, but once I do, that's when I've had the other. That's where I just don't want to do anything beyond touching the floor.

Having a kid and a husband who need me, at least made me go through the motions, but the fact that I haven't written a single creative thing in more than a decade or been able to really concentrate to read anything except in spurts, is just so aggravating. The audio books really helped, at first, but even then my mind wandered.

Anyway, so, back on the 20th when we saw our new GP, he started me on Pramipexole which is used to treat Parkinson's, restless leg disorder and depressive disorder. I've got symptoms for the first and third (he did say that I don't have the Parkinson's 'brand' of symptoms, but there are aspects to mine that do fit it), and along with the depression, he didn't think this would hurt to try.

So far, I still have everything - save that my mood's a bit lighter, and I feel that I'm coping better with the Honey's quirks - but there's a stiffness through my shoulders and up into my neck that wasn't there before. It usually takes 3-4 weeks, give or take, for it to build up in your system before you start to feel some benefit. So, here's hoping that I get some relief.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri May 08, 2015 10:56 pm

Are You Sick, And Sick Of Hearing 'Everything Happens For A Reason'?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015/05 ... r-a-reason
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:36 pm

I am very, very blue and can't seem to shake it...

The air conditioner was vandalized again last Thursday night/Friday morning, and we won't be able to get anybody to see it until this Wednesday at the earliest. Fortunately, it's been cool (in the high to mid 20s C), and we've been able to get relief by just having the blower running with the balcony door open.

Right now I'm investigating outdoor security cameras online. It's been difficult knowing where to go and who to go with. Also my laptop hates the heat, and tends to freeze up in the humidity, so I haven't been in here.

I'm convinced that it's because of my going to the gym while having a handicapped parking space - at four thirty this morning, as I was walking to the car, I heard somebody cough behind me. I can't stop going. I did stop, for three days, because the high humidity in our home made it hard to breathe. But, if I don't walk, the charlie horses come back with a vengeance - even though I'm faithfully taking the Inositol. I didn't know that until now, and I'd rather have trouble breathing than those cramps any day. Seriously, the last time it was so bad that I just wanted out of my misery.

We haven't even begun to pay for this new unit, and it's already been messed with. I think - I hope - that it's only that the freon been drained, and nothing else. I've found a security camera that I like; it would have to be positioned on the bottom of my upstairs neighbor's deck. What'll be good, is that the angle would also keep watch over our car.

Other than this, Duane is now seeing a therapist (second appointment is later this week; we're beginning to think that his depression is organic), and I found a physiatrist for him (that for any meds he might need.) That first doctor's appointment is on the 15th.

Also, there was a call for a Parkinson's evaluation for me, later in the month. They'll be sending me paperwork to fill out...

I've got to turn off the laptop. It's too hot.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:19 am

Who's vandalising an air conditioner? :wtf: :?

Other than this, Duane is now seeing a therapist (second appointment is later this week; we're beginning to think that his depression is organic), and I found a physiatrist for him (that for any meds he might need.) That first doctor's appointment is on the 15th.

At least this sounds like some good news. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Don't stop going to the gym. You need it. The parking space shouldn't matter. Even somebody using a handicapped parking space (or a wheelchair, come to that) can be in need of the gym.

I figured something was going on because you haven't been around for days... :hug: :hug:

My sister "forgot" to tell us that she had a breast cancer examination and had a biopsy, because they found a tumor in her breast. She only mentioned it yesterday because the result is due on Friday. She said she forgot it because her biopsy was the same day as Lena's surgery (and at the same hospital) but I'm convinced she didn't want to worry mom or me. I wish she had told us, though.
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:42 pm

Padfoot wrote:My sister "forgot" to tell us that she had a breast cancer examination and had a biopsy, because they found a tumor in her breast. She only mentioned it yesterday because the result is due on Friday. She said she forgot it because her biopsy was the same day as Lena's surgery (and at the same hospital) but I'm convinced she didn't want to worry mom or me. I wish she had told us, though.

O my God :( ...

She's definitely a keeper, that sister of yours. I hope it all turns out well - :ghug: *me hugging the rest of you.* You all deserve a break already!

Who's vandalising an air conditioner? :wtf: :?

I wish I knew. We're going to have to order the security camera we want online - the store (of which there are three within 25 miles) doesn't carry it in-house.)

At least this sounds like some good news (Duane's appointments.) I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Oh, you bet it is! I had to threaten him with leaving - and taking the cat with me - before he'd agree to any of it! :D

Don't stop going to the gym. You need it. The parking space shouldn't matter. Even somebody using a handicapped parking space (or a wheelchair, come to that) can be in need of the gym.

I figured something was going on because you haven't been around for days... :hug: :hug:

Thanks for the encouragement, Paddy! I got in both yesterday and today's workout :) . Wednesday's my day off - except for washing clothes :roll: .

Here's hoping that I'll see the A/C guy tomorrow, like he said he would *crosses all crossibles*
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:30 am

Well...

The A/C is fixed (officially as of last Thursday afternoon), and, as for the locks that my heating & air guy said did not exist - I've now got one on each port :/ . He stopped by to pick up payment, and said we're officially done, I am no longer a customer; that he has lost revenue this summer (largely due to us), and, with his increasingly poor health, he is just so finished with the whole deal.

Why he insisted that there were no such things as locking caps for the freon ports...all I can think is that he didn't want to be bothered with them. And in a perfect world, he wouldn't need to. But, in any case, it's running even as we speak, and I'm feeling myself again...

Saw the therapist for the second time, and this time, I sat in. Problem was, she would not allow me to speak when I felt there was a need, only when she thought it appropriate - which upset both the Honey and me. However, she did point out to him that what he is reading as anger from me, isn't - at least not when I brought up how scared I am when he acts out in public (people around him are becoming noticeably anxious, there may be folks among them that have concealed guns and who would be only too happy to use them...it's an American thing, you wouldn't understand, and actually, the older I get, the more British I feel, and the greater my alarm at goes on around here.) So, that was a very good thing that she did, and I am quite in her debt.

Emotionally, we've both been on a far more even keel and are working to keep it so :) . Next appointment is Thursday...
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Fri Jul 17, 2015 2:19 pm

*sigh*...Today is the fourth appointment with the therapist, and he didn't see the doctor.

The place was one that we had been to in the past, and there was an embezzler of payments in the billing dept at the time. I remember that because I keep very careful records of payment (Medicare doesn't pay out in chronological order, they pay according to whomever gets their request in first. So it's not uncommon to pay December's bill after April, for instance.) Anyway, I got us caught up, all one dozen statements, and marked PIF on the memo line.

Two days later, I get a call that we "haven't even begun to pay! How dare you write P.I.F?" So, I get out my ledger and rattle off each check - which was agreed with. Okay, all done - nope. Two months later, I get a bill for $215 in red ink, marked 60 days late. I call billing, get told off, read out each payment, find it reconciled, and we're cool - until the next statement. This went on for a year, until I gathered up the whole thing and carried it over to billing - who wrote me a letter, stating that we were done (that was over ten years ago and I still have it.)

What made us cancel was getting the paperwork a day early and finding that there's a "cash for service with discounts". All kinds of alarm bells went off, and when I told Medicare, they said don't go - it sounds fishy to them, too. The appointment was canceled, which brings us up to today...

Duane still hasn't seen a doctor, and I'm still looking for one. I want to take him back to the very last place he went to - which we both liked and I felt very comfortable with. I called Crisis Care this morning (I'm still on the phone with them, I'm on hold at the moment), because I was just getting 'leave a message and we'll get back to you' at the most favored place, and with my anxiety level at an all time high, I just needed to kvetch...

Okay! 'Julie' at Crisis Care got us an appointment next Tuesday at their offices! It would only be temporary - they aren't a long term entity - but she heard me, BIG TIME, and I just left a message at the MFP, and will be getting paperwork sent to us from another place that 'Julie' mentioned, even though they aren't taking new clients at the moment; they think they will be able to in the next couple of months, so the Honey will be on file should he so need.

Thank God, I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off of me!
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby Padfoot » Sun Jul 19, 2015 2:04 pm

Oh my... You're both in my thoughts. I send you big hugs :hug:
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Re: Mental Health & Some Helps

Postby shireling » Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:26 am

Oh thank you! :hug: (I'm seeing a different neurologist tomorrow.)
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