Duane feels faraway from God. For the first time today.
Actually he's depressed. He doesn't know what about, maybe it's because he feels far from God, or he's just depressed. I hate this. I don't have words for how much I hate this. It comes from his whole family's view that if you believe in God, you don't have or even get touched by negative emotions. What a load of crap. But, that's how my father-in-law used to talk, and my brothers-in-law. So, why am I not surprised that the middle son is exactly like them? That's a rhetorical question, btw.
I never think about feeling near or far from God. I just figure I'm in the ball park. I mean, why not? I'm a sort of semi-good person. I have my foibles and follies, but I don't do this. Mirza Abu'l-Fadl went through a phase where he was praying so hard, and weeping so copiously that he passed out. He hadn't been eating, he was living in America at the time - with Ali Kuli-Khan as interpreter and housemate - and he just got into this
how-unworthy-he-was-frame-of-mind, doing himself some real damage. Thank God, Duane's not like that. But, to paraphrase, Ali Kuli-Khan said, "Look at you. A great being like you, weeping yourself sick. If you feel this devastated, what hope is there for the rest of us?"
But, see, that's how Duane is - just not to the point of passing out. He's a very holy person - much better than I am, anyway. I'm just here to keep body and soul together in clean clothes, prescriptions and food so he can read and teach the Faith on the computer. Like Golda to Tevye, except it's not a kosher home and I usually get the final word.
Between you and me, until the Honey catches sight of it, I bought another statue. A 12" tall Gabriel.

I already have a Saint Michael, but I wanted this Messenger, too, because of his connection to Christianity and Islam. He also may be too big for the shelf, and I've been fighting the urge to cancel the order. There is a 6" version, and I have asked if I can switch for it. If they say no, what am I going to do? He is beautiful - the most beautiful angel statue I've ever seen, and he looks like a boy. So, I'll just see what happens. Here's that one:

He's also very beautiful, but with a different attitude. Actually, I've always wondered if the Angel came mirroring Mary's own face. It would have made Her curious, I think. Anyway, if I'm better than I've been, I might actually get to ask Her. Or, maybe it won't matter to me anymore. I've also been wanting, against all better judgment, to get a statue of Mary Magdalene. It turns out that she had a lot to do - much more than the early church fathers could stand. So her words were given to some of the guys, like Peter, and, in one case, the case of Lazarus, she was split between two other women. No wonder Baha'u'llah thought so much of her. These guys ought to be ashamed of themselves. I have known for years that women led services in the beginning Christian church, that is until 'Paul-I'm-an-Apostle-doncha-know', put in his two cents. And there's no talking to people about this.
"But he saw a light."
"He heard a voice."
He hit his head on a rock! Where was he when the rest of the posse was traveling around the countryside with Jesus? Talking back to Him, putting Him down, signing a major death warrant for the first Deacon of the Church - just hanging out.
Know-it-all - that's from me. I am so annoyed with him. The sacrifices of the Twelve don't measure up to what happened to Paul on the road to Damascus, I'm told. "Paul met the criterion for Apostleship without it", says Father Frank (I'm sure it's nobody you know.) *sigh* No wonder the Magdalene never got her due; with scholars like these, who needs enemies? I won't even get started on the Virgin...
Except to say that She was a grown-up! She was not a perpetual teenager! Saint Joseph was Her husband, in fact, and there were other kids! I believe that with all my heart. One of these days I'm going to have to ask Lynda how she could stop being a Lutheran, and embrace Catholicism. Initially, I know it had to do with problems among the ministry (some adultery among the clerics) since she was a pastor with her own congregation. And she doesn't get the whole veneration of Mary, it's not a protestant thing at all; not that she hasn't tried. She asked what the perimeters were for being a convert, and she was told that she has to embrace the entire catechism. My heart goes out to her.
She's younger than me, and gay. Not that she's said, but I know my people when I meet them. So, it's been tough all around for her, and I just hope that she's able to get what she needs, even if it's not what she wants. Before she left for Rome, she gave me a couple of Marian items. One was a Seven Sorrows rosary, and the other was a beautiful coffee-table book about the Holy Mother. I had bought a new crucifix (it's actually the Virgin Mary in middle of a burst of sunlight) and a center (shaped like a rose) for my Crown rosary, and switched the pieces. It was much more fitting that way, and I gave the beads to a crafting friend whose mom collects rosaries. I can understand why it didn't appeal to Lynda.
The sorrows are exactly that. It is gorgeous piece, there's no denying. The beads were of black glass, and each one of the Our Fathers was a silver medal, displaying the Virgin, Her heart stabbed with seven swords. And with the black crucifix, the silver corpus's face contorted in agony - you get my drift. Now...this is not what I would give to a newly-minted Catholic, especially a Protestant who had been a minister with her own church. You'd be right to think that I probably don't have a grasp of what's appropriate. But, I can't deny that it's so much better that it went to the new home I gave it to; the new owner is cradle-to-grave and she absolutely adored it. She knew the meaning of these things, and was appreciative. But I don't know why Lynda didn't want the book at all, just from the lovely this thing is.
There is not one page that isn't illustrated. It is just chock full of artwork - all genres, all centuries, you name it, it's in there. And I truly love this, and will cherish it always. I finally, just today, figured out what to do with my two ladies of the Galilean Women's Guild, Saints Joanna Chuza (Chuza was her husband and he was steward for Herod) and Susanna.


I bought these two pendants, which came all the way from Israel, though I can't find a picture of the pendant for Susanna, that's what they both look like. Anyway, I made them into a bookmark for this particular book, and I am rather pleased with it. I attached them to cord and attached the cord to a laminated card of Saint Anthony (a buddy of Francis who should have known that Christ had financial support from His Mother's friends, and probably would have if the Church wasn't so tight with the men being in control of everything.) As for the Saint Francis bookmark, I tied a leaf, rose, bird and paw print to the ribbon I put with it. It just seemed appropriate - more than the other. I just can't leave stuff alone. I must tinker!
You may be interested to know that it takes a fraction of the time to read what it took me three hours to write

. I hope that your weekend is going well, and that you're having fun. Be careful, and stay cool, my joons.
sara