My dear Joon...

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shireling
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Re: My dear Joon...

Postby shireling » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:58 pm

This is terrible.

I'm not doing too great. I can't remember ever being this depressed this time of year. Most of the time, I figure if I can get through March, I can get through anything. But, this first day of April means that I've got the rest of it to look forward to, and I don't want to.

Been weeping and sobbing and no amount of chocolate (and there be chocolate here, it being Easter and all), has shaken lose this deep blueness. It's a dark well of despair, without a single ray of sun to be seen anywhere. I just spent the past hour, hour and a half, pouring out my heart to a friend who can little handle this, and to whom I have no business burdening. O God.

It's ridiculous. I have no reason to be this sad - none. Well, yes I do, if I think of what's befallen this country of mine, but it's more than that. We finally saw The Last Jedi. I started tearing up from the moment I saw Carrie Fisher, and was in full throated-bawl by the credits. She should still be here, damn it. It was a good movie, but she should still be here. Duane says, "Is that the end of it?" I don't know, you tell me. I hope it is, but then I thought The Hobbit could use some editing - a whole bunch, come to think of it. I think it would be good to stop here. In fact, I think that Star Wars #7, should have been #4. And #4 should be #5, etc. Or #7 should be #8, leading right to A New Hope. *sigh* It hardly matters; what am I even talking about? I so identify with Luke Skywalker right now.

Maybe this is my April Fool's joke, and I won't be depressed tomorrow. Can always hope. Here's to a better tomorrow, if I can't get there today.


sara
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'By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me! Engage!'
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shireling
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Re: My dear Joon...

Postby shireling » Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:40 am

Not depressed anymore.

Can't sleep though. It's 1:23 in the morning here, and I think if I can just do something else except lie in bed, maybe I'll get tired. It's no fun having holidays without family. Oh, I know I've got the Honey and Amy, but when your child lives away, and there's not a hope in hell of your ever becoming a grandparent, I mean, if all goes well, you won't - you hope you won't...

I miss Mike's little boy time.

I'd spent the past few hours online trying to find this amazing Virgin Mary statue, with wings and holding a chained up dragon. It's called Our Lady of the Apocalypse - it doesn't get much cooler than that

Image

Awesome, is She not? And that's only one version of Her. It's not the Virgin Mary, at all, but Religion about to give birth to the Fulfillment of the previous Faith. So, the world ends as everybody knows it. Not a physical conflagration - God doesn't do that nonsense - but a spiritual one, that happens every thousand or thousands of years. Some folks know this, and some don't, and we all suffer the ill-effects of those who don't. Some call Her 'the Flying Virgin', the Sally Fields of The Book of Revelation. I was hoping to acquire Her, but I was too late, mainly because I couldn't remember what She was called, and She was quite affordable, too. Bummer. Oh, also I'm beginning to realize that all of these Visions are Manifestations of the Woman of the Apocalypse, and She is not to be messed with.

Anyway, tomorrow is Monday, and I'm glad. Weekends aren't much fun, like I said earlier about holidays, and I'm under the weather, then it's not so bad, I can sleep it away. I have no idea why I was so down, I am getting sleepy, so this was just the ticket. I'm not quite ready to turn in, but I can't think of what else to bore you with.

'night, joons of mine,
sara
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'By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me! Engage!'
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shireling
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Re: My dear Joon...

Postby shireling » Mon Apr 02, 2018 10:40 pm

It snowed. Again.

I'm all ready to go, sandals on, shopping bags, cane, and car brush in hand, and immediately turn around to put on boots. The Honey and I have a very great, insurmountable in fact, lack of understanding of when it comes to cleaning snow off the car.

He has not driven in 10 years. It will 10 years exactly on August 26th, and while I was glad that he had cleared off the windows, I couldn't see over the snow he'd left on the hood and trunk (bonnet and boot to you joons in the U.K.) So, he sweeps, as one does, the snow down toward the head lights on the passenger side, but not where I am. That he sweeps from side to side, making a nice neat pile the height of my nose; I can't see over that. I'm making motions to do the same as he did on the other side, but he persists in doing same. I start cursing, I get out, I grab brush, I finish job. And he tells me that I could see - so, I was leaving a warm, cozy car just to make him look foolish? Really? My ego does not extend to that.

He is 6' 1/2" tall, and you'd better remember that half inch. I am 5'2", with longer legs than torso. His torso is as long as his legs, he's proportioned. So we fight all the way to the Mall, over what I can't see over. From now on, he is not to clean off the car, ever again. In his world, it was a waste of time to brush clean all the car lamps and license plates. I don't think I need to explain to you why my city's finest would consider that a ticketable offense for not doing it. And this all happened, right after this...

I'd just stepped out of the shower, and became nauseous. No problem, I think, I will just plant my face in the receptacle. WRONG! Almost immediately, the other end begins to leak. So I put that part on the receptacle seat, grab towel, take deep breaths and start yelling desperately for husband, over his oscillating desk fan and Maler's Opus #7. After several shouts, I hear him speak: 'Where are you?'

"I'm in the bedroom!" He opens the door.
"I need Glucerna!"
"Glucerna?"
"Bottles in the fridge's vegetable bin. I need one..."
"Vegetable bin?"
"O Honey, please! You've seen them! I need one! Blood sugar's tanking! And underwear."
"Underwear?"
"In bag in closet - please grab one."
"I need to go to the bathroom."
"I sympathize, but I need those! Please hold it and get me stuff!"


After what seemed like a lifetime later, I have both, and he is enthroned on the other commode. If I had known what lay ahead, I might have handled Girlfriend's snow coverage differently.

My doctor wants to hire a home health aide, but at 20 bucks an hour? For stuff like this? I have thought of a service dog :) . With a canine companion, I could have had my tummy filled and my bottom covered in a fraction of the time, with equally fewness of words. I can see it now. A Saint Bernard, a basket under his chin, holding my necessities! Good Doggy! Of course, Amy would object. And it wouldn't be fair to the dog. Duane doesn't like them, and I'm not the person I used to be when it comes to walking, and scooping, and playing Frisbee :( . *sigh*

Anyway, I have found a whistle attached to my mailbox key :D! And I tried it! And instead of calling the Honey twice, over same fan but different classical composer, only to end up walking down the hall to inform him personally of lunch, I blew the whistle! And he came! :D I. am. so. happy! So now, the whistle is in my pocket and just as soon as I can find something better upon which to attach it, I'll do that. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. - Yul Brynner, The Ten Commandments.

Speaking of food, I need supper. Tootles, my loves.


:hug:
sara
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'By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me! Engage!'
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shireling
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Re: My dear Joon...

Postby shireling » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:49 pm

This morning was the second in a row, that there was no snow on the ground :) .

Today the high was thirty degrees above yesterday's, and it sure is welcome. Tomorrow morning - I haven't checked the weather as yet - but Sister Petra Clare's Mass is scheduled for 8:30 AM. I want to go, and I can get there and back before Duane is up, probably - at least I think so. Btw, the pendant of the icon she created (it's of our 16th Great-Grandma Blessed Margaret Pole, just to refresh your memory) isn't water-proof; it's resistant, but I noticed that after a particularly rainy outing, one of the lower corners had a bit of the picture peeling away. I couldn't tamp it back down - it just crumbled on my finger when I touched it.

I'd already taken a bunch of swipes of clear polish to the piece; I just didn't feel it was safe as it was. But that bit didn't get the coverage like the rest. So, I took a magic marker and touched up the dark piece of her dress that had melted off. That went well, but then I was worried that the nail polish might come undone, and smear when I painted back over it. Luckily it didn't, and it looks fine again. I had gotten so much done this morning - FOUR LAUNDRY LOADS :D ! - that I won't have a thing to do beyond self-stuff, making the bed and getting Amy squared away, on Thursday.

As it turns out, what we'd hoped for is not coming to pass, about my in-laws' estate. It also explains why things which we were promised, like home repairs, aren't happening. Apparently, monies that were allotted to the Honey's brothers, are being kept by the county where they lived. They both spent the last years of their lives in those nursing homes, and, without our knowledge, the bulk of the estate was retained by the county seat because the guys were wards of the state. It doesn't matter that their payments were met; there's a clause that allows the local governments to hold onto whatever's left, and that supersedes the parents' will. We weren't really part of that whole thing. Helen wanted the boys cared for, and that's what her will set out to do; I think she'd have been pleased with most of their care.

At the time this all was set down, 1988, I was pregnant with Michael. Duane had just been awarded at his job, and everything was looking up. By 2000, my mother, and mother and father-in-law had died. My father had remarried, and was driving us nuts. We had bought our home in '91, the one we're still in. Michael was found to be autistic, Duane was laid off and on disability, and Lloyd was re-housed. Phil was still living in the family home, and that was about to be sold out from under him. Anyway, I can rejoice in that we are no worse off than we've ever been before :lol: . But I had hoped that we would be a bit ahead at this point. Once I get to age 65, I'll be out from under the ACA. Here's hoping that Congress won't destroy Medicare in the meantime.

One happy new thing: I have a Brazilian friend who is helping me to get an Our Lady of the Apocalypse. This is what she looks like, from the shop in San Paulo

Image

She's about 7" tall, and I love that She straddles the moon in order to keep hold of the dragon. I stumbled onto Her, as I tend to do, and translated the page. After seeing all of the others (which are dated from the 17 and 1800's on Ebay), and find that they are asking for anywhere from 1,300 - 3,000 bucks for what amounts to museum pieces that I can't possibly maintain, I figured I could afford 85 rials. The trouble was that some parts of the page were still in Portuguese, so I called Terrie to ask what they meant. The next thing I know, I'm being told that her brother lives in the area, could buy it for me and bring it here when he comes to visit in this summer - if I don't mind waiting. Of course I don't! That is so lovely of her, but that's Terrie. She's more concerned that I not get taken (it doesn't look as though they do international shipping from this shop), and wouldn't hear of not stepping in. The Lady is new, made of resin and a good size. I was going to have the Catholic bookstore take delivery - they agreed to for me - but now, Terrie is bringing Her to my home :D. I am so pleased :D .

Well, I need dinner. Take care.


sara
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'By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me! Engage!'
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shireling
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Re: My dear Joon...

Postby shireling » Sat Apr 14, 2018 11:15 am

My luck finally ran out with the cold/flu season.

Starting Tuesday, I woke up with a sore throat and that was the end. It's still hurting, and there's sinus, and a whooping-type cough. I'm taking multi-remedy stuff and that gives some relief, but it doesn't last. So yesterday, while I was at the grocer's, I stopped into one of those mini-clinics just to make sure it wasn't strep.

I'd forgotten that they need a whole history and med list; I just thought that they'd look down my mouth, and tell me what it was - I mean, why not? There's something about being in a store that makes it seem less medical, like watching an arbiter on TV and figuring this isn't a real court; that I could have paid my bill with a chicken or a gallon of milk. But it's not strep, just some ouchiness with a side of the creeping crude. When I go out today, I'll pick up some more over-the-counter so that I can keep going.

There's a fund-raiser today. I bought two bags of clementines, in lieu of an entree because I can't carry much, and a bag full of items that people might want to buy. I've already been up and medicated myself, went back to bed, got up, took the drugs which ease my existence and downed a near pint of Glucerna. I just feel lousy. And if that wasn't enough

A dialogue started in my head. I think it's the cold talking, but, there I am, I'm minding my own business, and who should be making a phone call but Warwick Fallon. He hasn't had a word to say in over a year - in fact, if he were real, he would be dead by now. But, since his story doesn't take place in real time, and everything's been in stasis, I hadn't thought too much about him. Of course, he's been worried about Richard, and his own health, and who is going to take over the responsibility of the golem, but as most characters do, I suppose, he's not been too concerned about me. Me, who makes it possible for him to draw breath on these pages.

Anyway, "A Marvellous Proper Man", just began spooling out, and it was all I could do to get home and put it down before I forgot most of it. Even so, it needed a bit of fleshing. I had to do that on my own, since Brother Ryan and he have been deathly quiet since yesterday morning. I'm glad, because I really wanted to find out what happens. It's a bit like Jurassic Park meets My Fair Lady, without all the screaming and singing - though there will be some of both, come to think of it.

What started this up again, I think, was "Westworld". Season 1 just finished, and after watching the 1973 movie again, I thought I might check it out. You know, it amazes me that there are people who would want to go to a place where they could do dastardly deeds without consequence. I mean, :wtf: . Why wouldn't you want to find out what it was like living as a Plains Indian? Or working as a volunteer in an army field hospital, during the Civil War? Or being a slave on a plantation? See it from the other side! Learn something! Do something historic!

"No!" Says the average Guest of Westworld. "I'd rather rape, and murder, and burn; eat people and horses; watch hogs date cattle, and cats diddle with dogs!" Okay, I exaggerate, on those last few. But the narratives - if you can call them that - are so gruesome and awful. And I'm waiting for some humanity to raise its timid head, and every time it does (say, have a maintenance crew member cover a naked Host), they're made to feel like idiots because these aren't people - they're objects. They have no modesty, they do not feel the cold, unless their programming tells them to.

Mel used to ask me why I watched "The Sopranos" - those folks being as they were. And it was mainly because of Tony. When he went into therapy, and explained how "noble" :/ his bunch was, like the Romans of old :/ , taking care of their own :/ - when they weren't hustling protection money from them, or breaking their kneecaps when they couldn't pay. It was fascinating, because he really believed it! Like all little fascists do!

I don't believe people are like that. Apparently Michael Crichton did. And I loved Jurassic Park; I still get teary when I see those herds of dinosaurs in the first half-hour of the film, and John Williams' soaring score wafting over them. But would I want to live among them, hell no! They poop bigger than I am, for one. Which is why I think the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, DID NOT PUT HUMANS AND THESE BIG THINGS ON THE PLANET AT THE SAME TIME! YES! AND I BELIEVE GOD MADE ALL THIS - OVER BILLIONS OF YEARS, YOU WACK-A-DOODLES, WITH THE SEVEN-DAY-CREATION PLAN! DAVID COPPERFIELD MEETS JENNIE CRAIG! MAKE THE CRETACEOUS PERIOD COME AND GO IN ONE WEEK!

See. This how I am on cold meds and diabetic shakes - it's not pretty. I should drink some hot/honey/lemon tea and go back to bed.
Hope I feel better soon.


sara
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'By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me! Engage!'
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