The Diary of a Mad Woman

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Arwen#1
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The Diary of a Mad Woman

Postby Arwen#1 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:02 am

12 May 2008
The doctor's think that I need to write down my feelings and thoughts in this book. I don't know why, but they thought it would be a good idea. I guess it's so when I become famous they'll have a document of my descent into madness. It's a waste of time right now, I feel perfectly normal.

16 May 2008
Today was a bad day. Felt off all day. I stabbed mom with a fork at dinner time when she tried to take a bite of my food. It's MINE! Who gives her the right to even try to take it? After that my sister wouldn't come near me so I thought it would be funny to curse at her whenever she got in hearing distance. Kept her away most of the night. Finally, a little quiet from her annoying mouth. Bedtime now.

17 May 2008
Read over my post from last night and I couldn't believe myself. Why do I do these things? What is wrong with me? The doctors keep telling me that my meds will start working any day now, but they're not. Today I'm feeling pretty good. Don't want to go to school though, I'm afraid of hurting someone. I guess that's when I know it's going to be a good day though, when I'm afraid of what I might do or say.

30 May 2008
Not much has happened lately. I've been pretty good so I guess the medicine is working after all. That makes me happy. My teachers are surprised at my good behavior and the fact that I've been able to attending class for almost two full weeks without a relapse. Mom was so proud of me she made my favorite dinner tonight. :) I'm pretty proud of myself as well.

2 June 2008
All the little girls sing and don't remember, all the little girls will die a bloody death. Feel like going out and doing something crazy but mom's locked me in my room after I cut off all of Katie's hair. HAHA, She looks like a boy now. Next time she won't have such pretty hair.

4 June 2008
Mom's checking me into the looney bin. I feel so bad for what I did to Katie, but she won't even come near me. I wrote her a letter and left it under her door. I hope she can forgive me. My god, am I going crazy? I swear it's like there's a demon in me that won't go away. I'm glad mom's locking me up, I'm afraid to be around my family. I hope this will help.

6 June 2008
The doctors still want me to keep record of my moods and days, but I'm only allowed to write with Crayon or marker. I guess they're afraid I'll harm either myself or someone else. I'd be more worried about someone else than myself. I'm in an isolated room for now. There's no one to talk to except my doctors and the people I see at group therapy. Even they seem to avoid me. I feel like I have the word Leper written on my forehead. Or maybe it's because they're in white outfits and mine is blue.

7 June 2008
Today at lunch I figured it out. White means unbalanced but harmless, blue means dangerous. They always watch us blues more closely than the whites. I wish I was in white, but I'm glad I'm in blue instead. Another blue sat with me at lunch today. Her name was Olivia. She's here because she likes to set things on fire. I think we're going to be good friends.
"We're all a little crazy, just some of us are better at hiding it."

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Arwen#1
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Re: The Diary of a Mad Woman

Postby Arwen#1 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:57 pm

9 June 2008
Had lunch with Olivia today. She's a riot! We spent the day discussing different things we could set on fire and people we would love to set on fire. She's a little different, but a lot more fun than the whites. My doctor doesn't think Olivia's good for me, but he doesn't know. She gets it; she understands the problems and stigma we face. These doctors don't get it, they think that because they went to some plush school and got a degree in some obscure medical field they understand, but they don't. They haven't been out here in the real world dealing with the same shit we do.
Also met another girl, Camelia. I'm not quite sure what she's in for but she's a blue too. She doesn't talk much, but seems willing to listen to Olivia and myself. I rather like her.

13 June 2008
Olivia's trying to Camelia and myself into sneaking out with her. I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess she's sleeping with one of the orderlies and he showed her a back way out of the kitchen. I don't know if I should or not. She just wants to go clubbing, but I can't help but wonder if this is a good idea. Also, I've noticed a little redhead that seems to follow Olivia around. I have no idea what that's about because I only see her once in a great while. She's a white, but for some reason none of the blues seem to bother her.

25 June 2008
Tonight's the night. Olivia, Camelia, and myself are getting out of here. Olivia said she was going to bring a long a friend. I didn't realize that she even had any friends except for Camelia and myself. I'm not very popular here since I've told one of the girls I was going to cut her ear off while she was sleeping. No one can take a joke around here. I've also come to the realization that there's no guys here. I mean, there's the doctors and some of the orderlies are guys, but there's no male paitents. How is that fair?

27 June 2008
So exhausted. We got to the club perfectly, even our fake IDs were great. Olivia brought the little redhead with her. Her name's Odette and she's Olivia's little sister. I guess that explains why the blues leave her alone. She's in because she's suicidal, which is why we don't see her a lot. The doctors think Olivia's bad for her too, but she goes into a real deep spiral when she's seperated from Olivia for a long time.
Anyways, at the club we met some great guys and things were going awesome until I accidently stabbed with a fork. Camelia's secret's exposed too. She's a klepto, which seems harmless enough, but she has a nasty habit of stabbing people after stealing from them. What a riot! Anyways, after that we rushed back here. Made it back, and I don't think anyone even noticed we're gone. Olivia's already moaning that she wants to go back out. So hopefully we can get further next time.
"We're all a little crazy, just some of us are better at hiding it."

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Re: The Diary of a Mad Woman

Postby Arwen#1 » Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:54 pm

28 June 2008
I woke up today to find my journal missing. Those self-important b-----ds took it! Now we're all in trouble and Olivia's not speaking to me. So I started an extra diary. It's inside the diary they gave me, so when they're watching it looks like I'm writing in their diary, but really I'm writing in this one. And I hide this one, so they can't get it.
Camelia says Olivia's only mad at me because that means we have to postpone breaking out of here for good. I don't think Olivia's even got a plan together yet. I mean, yeah it's a cake walk to get out of here, but then what? Where will we go? How will we get jobs? If we can't get jobs where are we going to live and what are we going to live off of? See, there's plenty of holes right now.
Besides, four girls like us are easy to spot. Two red-heads, one tall and willowly, one short and elf-like, a chubby blonde, and a mexican with purple highlights in her hair. Yeah, we don't stick out at all. Note the sarcasm in that statement.

30 June 2008
Blood. Blood. Blood. Made an orderly bleed today, haha. He won't be putting his hands on me ever again. Back on Olivia's good side. She enjoys watching me stab people. Almost as much as I enjoy stabbing people. Opps, doctors are coming to put me in isolation. Hehehe, off I go.

2 July 2008
Back from Isolation. That was insane. I feel like I'm insane. All of these thoughts pushing against my brain telling me to hurt people, to kill people. I keep pushing them back, but eventually a few escape. Sometimes I don't think I know myself.

5 July 2008
I can't believe it! Yesterday was the fourth and we didn't get fireworks or anything. Just another day at the crazy house. This sucks! My fingers have been itching to stab something again. It's like an addiction. Once you stab you can't go back. HA! Olivia says I should just go for it, but Odette protests against it. I adore that little girl. She's my savior I think. I asked Camelia her advice, but she didn't give me any.
Later I caught Olivia yelling at Odette. I don't think either of them noticed me, but Olivia was screaming at her for urging me to not stab someone. I don't think Olivia wants me to get out of here.

7 July 2008
I can't believe I ever doubted Olivia. She just understands me and she was right. They've taken away my forks for good, so now I'm only allowed to eat with a plastic spoon since I stabbed one of the orderlies with my plastic fork. I think it was the same one as last time, but I didn't really pay attention. Plastic isn't nearly as good as silver, but they took that away from me last time. Back to Isolation for me. WEEEEE!!!!!
"We're all a little crazy, just some of us are better at hiding it."

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Arwen#1
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Re: The Diary of a Mad Woman

Postby Arwen#1 » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:06 pm

10 July 2008
I honestly don't know if I hate isolation or I love it. Lots of time to reflect, but I start missing my girls while I'm there. I wonder if Odette goes to isolation a lot. Maybe that's why we don't see her as often as we see each other. Must remember to ask her.
I hate it here. Other than the girls of course. I feel like I'm getting worse and not better. Didn't they send me here to get better? Or maybe they just don't care what's happening to me anymore. I wish I knew. I tried to write them once, but they never wrote back. They don't want me. I'm a stain to them. Somehow that doesn't surprise me though. I always was the weird one in a perfectly normal suburburn family.
I'm their dirty laundry, their little secret. I wonder what they're telling people who ask what happened to me. I probably died. Or maybe I went off to Europe to study. I like to think they didn't kill me from the family, but I'm pretty sure that's just wishful thinking on my part.
I do miss Katie though. She was so sweet and loveable. Whatever possessed me to hurt her? I think about that a lot when I'm with it. Olivia gets me all turned around though. Sometimes I wonder if I really want to be friends with her. But Odette is so sweet and I love Camelia, so I have to take Olivia.

17 July 2008
Well, I got into it with Olivia today. I told her I didn't want to be around her anymore. I think the doctors are right, that she's bad for me. She called me almost every name in the book, but finally she gave in. Maybe now I'll have a chance at getting out of here. I'm feeling better already.

19 July 2008
I miss them. Camelia and Odette won't talk to me now. I'm back at square one. And I'm lonely. This sucks.
"We're all a little crazy, just some of us are better at hiding it."


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